Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered


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Witty, surprising, touching, downright hilarious and always honest, Laid in Chelsea is an exclusive insight into the mind of the modern man, and a backstage pass to the secret world of Chelsea.

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Jon Wertheim. Thanks for signing up! We've emailed you instructions for claiming your free e-book. Tell us more about what you like to read so we can send you the best offers and opportunities. Skip to content. Bookshout App We have partnered with Bookshout and recommend using their app as a simple way to read our e-books. Enter your HarperCollins account username and password. Please note that your username is an e-mail address. Download your e-book s from your bookshelf.

Format: E-book Quantity:. Specialty Booksellers Interest-specific online venues will often provide a book buying opportunity. International Customers If you are located outside the U. And, of course, he reveals what really goes on behind the bedroom doors of Made in Chelsea… Witty, surprising, touching, downright hilarious and always honest, Laid in Chelsea is an exclusive insight into the mind of the modern man, and a backstage pass to the secret world of Chelsea.

Recommended for you. Macquarie by Grantlee Kieza. Sometimes Brilliant by Larry Brilliant. The Lovers by Rod Nordland. Her Again by Michael Schulman. The Underdogs by Melissa Fay Greene. American Ghost by Hannah Nordhaus. Just Kids by Patti Smith. Mum had calmed down by then so she gave me a hug and told me that I would meet the right girl for me one day, and that I might need more time and a different approach to find her.

Ollie Locke, Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered – читать онлайн полностью – ЛитРес, страница 2

That was my first ever taste of heartbreak. Even at that tender age my heart was still rather bruised and my mum said I was upset for days about the fact that Emma would probably never want to marry me now. Maybe the snake killed our love before it had even begun? Sadly I feel like that incident kind of set the tone for the next 20 years or so when it came to my love life.

Weirdly, this story also involves an animal not in a bestiality way, dirty bastards! The girl in question was Patricia Harris. We were both aged five when we first exchanged glances on our first day of prep school. I walked into class, probably wearing dungarees because I used to rock them, and there she was. She had pigtails and freckles and she was American, so she seemed quite exotic.

We never expected to see Bamster again and I imagined her trying to make her long journey to the sewers of London with some sawdust tied up in a spotted handkerchief, dreaming of the big time. One day Patricia and I were so bored we decided to have one last search around the classroom just in case she was hiding out, and amazingly we found her snuggled up to another fugitive hamster underneath a disused sink with what looked like about a thousand baby hamsters dirty bitch.

Patricia and I were so excited, and it seemed like such a profound shared experience at the time that I honestly thought Patricia and I were meant to be together forever of course the Green Card would also be a massive bonus. But unfortunately, as much as she appreciated our shared interests, she was still at the stage where she found boys annoying. Even when I was a child I was always fast-forwarding and thinking about marriage and kids and living happily ever after within days of meeting someone.

I was pretty much the anti-poon. The other kids in my school used to take the piss out of me because I was always desperate to look after both people and animals, and I could often be found in the playing fields gazing at squirrels. Nothing says nature like a rigamortis squirrel. My parents were horrified, but I just wanted to help.

The poor little thing deserved a proper grave. I also once tried to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a moth. I really wish I was making that up because it sounds utterly ridiculous now I think about it, but I remember it so clearly.

OK, so I have always been, and probably always will be, a hopeless romantic, which has been my downfall time and time again. To all intents and purposes we were very happy in this fabulous house that had an amazing garden and.

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Upload Sign In Join. Save For Later. Create a List. Summary The Sunday Times bestseller! And, of course, he reveals what really goes on behind the bedroom doors of Made in Chelsea… Witty, surprising, touching, downright hilarious and always honest, Laid in Chelsea is an exclusive insight into the mind of the modern man, and a backstage pass to the secret world of Chelsea. Read on the Scribd mobile app Download the free Scribd mobile app to read anytime, anywhere.

And So it Begins … 2.

Cigarettes and Alcohol 3. Candle in the Wind 4. No Pubes and a Soggy Biscuit 5. Coner Boner and the Photo of Doom 7. Not-so-sweet Sixteen 8. Bad Influence 9.

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Laid in Chelsea My Life Uncovered

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Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered
Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered
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